6 Weeks, 4 Days

Siiiiigh.. I'm so done with being sick.
Morning sickness today is worse than ever. On top of that, Riley is going through a "phase" (it BETTER be a phase) Here's today's story...

I woke up and felt terrible. I was hungry, which was honestly part of the problem, but I had to run to the bathroom, with Matt in there (Embarrassing!!!) and I got sick first thing.
I went and got something to eat and about an hour later, I was right back there! It used to be I would get hungry every 2 hours so I would have to nibble on something throughout the day, now it's pretty much every hour. And the slightest little hunger pain, sends me running to the oval office.

I fell asleep on the couch while all the boys were awake! I NEVER DO THAT!!!!!! Luckily I was unconsciously still keeping an eye on them and they were just building a fort out of blankets and tables and chairs in the living room, and it was like I could tell as soon as Riley even thought about leaving the room. I'd wake up and ask him where he was going, then he'd go back and join his brothers. Still, I hate doing that!!!

11:30 came along and it was time for Riley's nap. (That's the real time I use to nap on days I need it) I put him to bed and then went and climbed in my bed since I felt terrible. I was miserable just lying there. And for reals, the only thing that helps is a fan or a cooler, or some sort of cold air blowing in my face. I dozed long enough to feel refreshed then I got up to get the kids a snack. (We eat late meals at our house, it's just what works for us). I could barely walk I was so sick. I ran to the bathroom and was sick again, then miserably climbed back into bed.

Riley woke up. It was time to make lunch. I got him out of his room, and went in to start lunch. I didn't see Riley so I set out to find him. He had taken his diaper off and was in the bathroom sitting on his potty. Ok, no harm done, I figured I'd close the toilet lid and give him a few minutes to try to potty. I went in and finished getting the macaroni and cheese started. Then I went back to the bathroom to find Riley standing by the toilet squeezing a whole bottle of Max's dog shampoo into the toilet and all over the floor around the toilet.

I screamed. I just stood there in the hall and screamed from frustration. Then collapsed into a pile of sick pregnant lady in the hall and cried. Riley was pretty freaked out and went directly into his time out spot. I just stayed right there looking at the mess and sobbing.

In the last week he has
~Thrown the kitten into the bucket of mop water
~Thrown the toilet flusher handle down the drain of the toilet as well as thrown in 2 rolls of toilet paper, a comb and the spray bottle
~Stripped himself and ran around the inside and outside of the house naked at least a dozen times
~Closed the kitten in the printer
~ Pooped on the bathroom floor

All of this to some people can sound a bit humorous. I usually get comments like "Wow, you have your hands full." (Luckily he's mostly only like this at home and is actually extremely well behaved in public). But what people probably don't understand is how inadequate I feel. He has gotten 10x worse since I've gotten pregnant. Is it because I'm sick and am unable to spend quite as much time paying attention to him?? How can I possibly feel the way I do and continue to give my boys what they need?? I know that I will feel better in my second trimester, and maybe even my 3rd, but after that, there's going to be a new baby at our house that is going to demand a lot of attention. Riley is a jealous little dude as it is!! How is he going to handle this? How am I going to handle this?? My worst nightmare is walking into the living room and finding Riley trying to play with the baby like he tries to play with the kitten!! (See the above games he plays with the kitten)
How am I going to do this? There was a reason we decided we were done. Nevertheless, I am still grateful for this amazing unexpected blessing. I am very excited to meet our child. I do not wish for 2 seconds this hadn't happened. But I'm thinking:

... Maybe I should have had Thomas pray for a super powers for mom along with the other baby he so badly wanted. :-)

Wish me luck. I'm scared to death.